Not Today (or Even Tomorrow): Your Guide to Knowing What to Say No to — Then Saying No

By Graduate Student Center

Saying no is a skill — one that helps you protect your time, energy, and priorities. Here's a step-by-step approach to help you do it clearly, kindly, and confidently. 

 

Step 1: Know Your Commitments 

Write down ALL obligations and goals for the semester.

  • Ongoing projects (papers, research) 

  • Teaching 

  • Classes 

  • Talks/Presentations 

  • Committees 

  • And then add one thing that you WANT to do 

Then ask yourself: If I could only say yes to ONE new thing, what would it be? 

And add it to the list! 

 

Step 2: So, what happens when something new comes my way? 

Check the Alignment.

Ask yourself: 

  • Does this opportunity support my goals? 

  • Do I have time to do this well and stay sane? 

  • Is this something I genuinely want to do? 

If the answer is no — or even not really — it’s okay to say no. 

 

Step 3: So, how do I actually say no? 

There are many ways you can say “no” with clarity and respect, here are some: 

A. The Honest Alignment No 
“I’m focusing on similar work right now and can’t take this on too.” 

“I’m already editing for [X journal] this semester, so I can’t take on another.” 

B. The Redirect No 
“I’m not available, but here are two amazing people you could ask instead.” 

C. The Supervisor Ask-Back 
“Can we revisit priorities? I’d need to pause something else to do this well.” 

D. The Delayed Response 
“Let me think about it.” Then follow up with a polite no once you've considered. 

 

Step 4: Trouble keeping up? Make some boundaries 

Things like: 

  • Set a limit: Only X hours/month for projects/meetings that are not on your “priority list” 

  • Set a rule for the asks you may receive: Like taking only X amount of talks per semester or only joining one committee 

  • Set a buffer: If you can, ask for notice for new requests, even one week is better than day-of 

  • Make a "No Committee": Friends who remind you it's okay to say no (see how here!) 

 

Bonus: Practice Saying No (It Gets Easier!) 

Saying no is like building a muscle — awkward at first, but it gets stronger every time you use it. Try practicing with low-stakes asks so you're ready for the bigger ones. 

Here are some phrases to keep in your back pocket: 

Polite + Firm 

  • “Thanks so much for thinking of me — I have to say no right now to protect time for my current projects.” 

  • “This sounds like a great opportunity, but I’m not available at the moment.” 

  • “I can’t take on anything new at the moment, but I’d love to stay in touch.” 

Kind + Direct 

  • “I really appreciate the ask, but I need to say no so I can show up fully for what I’ve already committed to.” 

  • “I’m learning to be more mindful of my time, and that means turning things down sometimes — including this.” 

If You Want to Stay Open in the Future 

  • “I can’t this time, but please keep me in mind for [next semester / next year / future opportunities].” 

  • “Not right now, but I’d love to hear about things like this earlier in the planning stage!” 

If You're Feeling the Guilt 

Try reminding yourself: 

  • Saying no to something is saying yes to something else — usually your well-being, goals, or peace of mind. 

  • You are not required to earn rest or justify your time. 

  • People who respect your no are people you want to keep working with.